Friday, 29 March 2013

HP Friday: Unstoppable hate machine

First order of business, I just realized it's my blog's first birthday! Sort of. My first post was just a red panda gif. Which, I guess, means things have stayed pretty status quo here at the Enthusiast. I'm so happy that this lands on a Harry Potter Friday, but I will, of course, still need cake. (Send cake.)


Looking back over this post, it comes off a little red zone. So let me preface the whole thing by saying I'm having so much fun reading this book again, and thanks to Reading Rambo for organizing such a great group of people to yell on the internet with. Because it's cathartic to hate a character with this kind of primal enthusiasm. To wit:


Gaaah, Umbridge!


I must not tell lies: I hate her and her stupid cats.


My rage is less explosive than in previous reads, but really. REALLY. The first detention scene in Umbridge's office has to be the creepiest thing we come across in the series. Certainly creepier than the graveyard showdown at the end of book four. It's her cloying decor and barely suppressed glee at causing pain. It's her horrifying, imaginative punishment. Dudes. She creepy.

Oh, is that a little, decorative cat brooch you got there? That's nice.
I WILL END YOU.

What is her deal, I want to know. How did she get like this? 

Let's move on. Let's talk about how I'm disappointed in Hermione in this section. I love her, obviously, but dammit, Hermione! The way she treats and talks about Luna is just, such a bummer. And then, and then, the whole "Dumbledore's Army" debacle. I did like that Ginny came up with the name; I'd forgotten that. And yes, very clever, but then Hermione's just like "Yep! Sounds great!" and writes "Dumbledore's Army" on their roster? Really, you don't see any problems that might arise as a result? REALLY? 

Right. Good choice.
WHAT THE BALLS?

I cannot even. But OK, my weekly wizarding question: Where do things go when they're vanished? McGonagall has the kids vanishing snails and kittens, and I want to know where they go. Maybe the same place Dumbledore keeps all those chairs he conjures. And then, Lee vanishes Fred's puke on page 327, and now I'm worried that there are a bunch of helpless kittens sitting all cute and unsuspecting on these quirky chairs and then, bam, ruined potions and vomit all over everything. That's horrible.

No wonder Grumpy Cat is so grumpy.

It's not good, guys. And I'm nervous about reading the next section because we're starting to get down to it, and I can't remember exactly when the Thing happens, and agh, somebody hold me.


21 comments:

  1. Aww Happy Blog Birthday!!

    I at one point tried to figure out where all of the vanished and conjured things go/come from and then my head hurt and I had to take a nap. But I like your idea that they're in some alternate universe and now they're just all covered in puke. Dumbles is going to be so pissed when he magicks a chair to sit on and it is ruined.

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    1. Thank you!

      Isn't that just the worst when you conjure a chair and it's covered in vomit? I hate that.

      Delete
  2. Happy Blog Birthday Day!!! :-) I have carrot cake in the fridge. I'll eat some, just for you. How nice of me.

    Ummm yeah Umbridge is horrible and so EVIL and your hate and rage is totally understandable.

    And I can't even try to think about the vanishing thing because you know, it completely defies laws of physics and stuff and I only got like 3 hours of sleep last night so my brain isn't even ready to tackle that problem. But I have to say that if it's a simple "It doesn't go anywhere, it's just gone" thing then that means their effectively killing all those animals and I have to hope that just ain't the case.

    Oh and I think the bad thing is in the last section, but I'm not 100% on that.

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    1. Your selfless cake-eating warms my heart!

      I'm worried that vanishing them is just un-existing them and this I do not like.

      Delete
  3. BLOG BIRTHDAY! Yaaaaaaaaaaay! *sends a massive cake to Canada*

    I don't know which THING you're talking about. I know one thing happens in this section. And I've looked at the chapter titles and there is some Snape happening, so that is alllllll good. But if it's THE thing, then that's in the last section. I'm pretty sure.

    And OMG, Umbridge is so creepy! She definitely feels verrrrry sinister. I HATE HER SO MUCH! I'm not sure Imelda Staunton is toadlike enough to play her though! I guess I'll just continue to not watch the movies and it won't matter haha

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    1. Oh, good! Not enough Snape in OotP so far. More Snape. I think you and Sarah are right that the Horrible Main Thing happens in the last section.

      Imelda Staunton is definitely too nice looking for Umbridge, but her voice. Sweet mother of all that is holy, her voice is CHILLING. It's beyond perfect. It's very upsetting.

      The only reason for starting anything ever is cake.

      Delete
  4. I always wonder where vanished stuff goes to, especially the living beings. We hear something in the last book about "Into nothingness, which is to say everything" or something like that, so I guess maybe the molecules are redistributed but what about the living beings? Do they die? Does it hurt? My vegetarian heart is crying.

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    1. Noooo! That's not OK! What the hell, Hogwarts?

      Delete
  5. Happy blog birthday!!

    Umbridge is an insult to cat lovers everwhere. Ugh, her decor is sooooo gross I get a toothache just thinking of it.

    And yes! I want to know why she's like that too. WHO MADE YOU THIS WAY LADY?!

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    1. Thank you!!

      Right? I'm loving the comments on people's blogs this week, saying that Umbridge is all the more horrifying *because* we don't know her back story. Too right, hive mind.

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    2. Absolutely. And I think it might also be the fact that maybe *nothing* made her this way. Maybe she's just evil by choice - which is way worse than being twisted into it after years of isolation and abuse.

      Delete
  6. HAPPY BLOG BIRTHDAY! As Alice is fond of asking me, "Hey, remember when you didn't have a book blog and everything sucked all the time?" I'm glad to know you, lady.

    Remember how when they were practicing vanishing, some PARTS were sometimes left behind? Like with the snails, everything vanished except a piece of the shell. So that adds another gruesome possibility to the "kittens on chairs" theory. *shudder*

    And if Cary Grant in a double-breasted suit and fedora told me to get out, I would get RIGHT out...and then cry forever.

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    1. Everything sucked all the time! I always have something I'm really excited to read, now, and I get to talk to all of these excellent people (like you! You are awesome!) on the internet. It's just the greatest. All the blogging.

      Oh my god, dismembered kittens strewn over chairs. These books DO get dark.

      Oh, yeah, you definitely listen to Cary Grant. Unless you're Katharine Hepburn. But then you get your face pushed.

      Delete
  7. Happy blogbirthday! I was in my favorite bakery ever earlier and now I feel bad that I didn't get you some cake... :(

    That Dumbledore GIF is excellent. He looks so exhausted by Umbridge's shenanigans. Dude could use a vacation.

    Maybe the vanished items/animals show up in the Room of Lost Things that turns up later on. Although considering what happens to the stuff in that room, I fear for those kittens. *hugs my cat tighter*

    I feel like Umbridge doesn't have a cat as a pet, because cats are pretty awesome and would slice her face off if she got too Umbridge-y with them.

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    1. Don't worry, Rayna. We can get past the cake thing together *internet hugs*

      WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE KITTENS? What up, McGonagall?

      Oh man I hope Umbridge has a cat that acts like a complete asshole.

      Delete
  8. Remember when you were thinking of starting a blog and I was like, YESSSSS DO THIS THING and you did and here you are and now I'm feeling like a grandmother.

    I am eating an ice cream drumstick in your honor.

    Also, 'I will end you' and 'what the balls' are two of my favorite all-purpose phrases. They are never not hilarious.

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    1. Yaaaay for encouragement! I wouldn't have started it without you, lady. Thank you for your advice and awesomeness. Now, with countless books sloppily spoiled during, it's been a year. Blog Birthday Resolution: cut that spoily shit out. (HP posts excluded, obvs.)

      "What the balls" will work in almost any situation. Love it.

      Delete
  9. HAPPY BLOG BIRTHDAY SOMEWHAT BELATEDLYYYYYYY

    This last week had some fun shoutiness. Then at our cast party, someone brought up a Sirius defense and I was like "OMG I SPENT ALL YESTERDAY DEBATING THIS." Go this readalong. You are USEFUL.

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    1. It's important to be prepared for spontaneous Harry Potter discussions. That's why this readalong is so important.

      And thank yooooou!

      Delete
  10. I'm going to come out from my lurky shadows to say happy happy blog birthday!

    ::retreats back to lurky shadows::

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    1. No, wait! Come back!

      Thank you, mysterious internet person! Comment anytime -- this is a safe space. (Unless you hate Sirius. Then we will have words. Naaah, I kid.)

      Delete

Talk to me, internets.